1/5/2024 0 Comments not a morning personYes, I found the below quote on social media. It isn't mine, I borrowed it. But it explains a lot.
I learned long ago that I am an introvert. I was always shy as a kid, like really shy. Going to parties or events (even family ones) sent me into a panic. Heart racing, stomach churning panic. But I assumed it was part of being shy. Because in the late 70's early 80's there was no talk of social anxiety. Later in life I diagnosed myself with it. I still get the racing heart, hard to breathe, nausea panic when I have to go to a party or event, yes, even family ones! And as an author, yes, I am in full fledged panic mode on the way to the author events that I participate in. If I was going alone, I'm pretty sure I would turn around and go home (or never get in the car in the first place) even after months of planning and excitement, when it's time, I freak out. Anytime I need to go to an event that causes this, I make sure to have Mr. G at my side. I use him as the go-between. He was always a people person, and helped draw in the folks, where I would then find my groove. Without him, I might be the girl shrinking in the corner. Maybe not. But who knows? I feel this quote this morning. I have a morning ritual, I wake up, once I am changed and ready for the day, I pour my coffee, put my breakfast sandwich in the microwave, and grab my vitamins. When mornings like today happen, it is TOO MUCH stimulation for me. Remember, I just woke up. Just because I sleep till 10:30 doesn't mean I'm wide awake yet. My son is trying to get his lunch ready while I am in the middle of my morning ritual. He's hungry and HANGRY, and I'm not awake, coffee-less, and frustrated now that my pattern has been disrupted. I think I have habits, and plans so I know the outcome, there will be no surprises. And when things don't go as planned, it throws me off. So me trying to navigate around my son while he is flustered and hungry is almost too much first thing in my morning. Add in the worry I am holding in my heart, hoping Fleury will be okay, and the concern I feel each time I look at him. By the way, he's fine right now. He's been eating treats, and running around, bullying the dog, and just being Fleury all morning. As I write this, I feel like you're reading this thinking "this chick is so whiney..." But...before 2020, I had worked hard on "getting out of my shell". I forced myself to do things I wouldn't usually do. Go places I don't normally go. And push past the panic attack until I was actually enjoying myself. It took YEARS for little results. But I was doing it. Something my dad told me long ago always comes to light during these times. He told me that my grandfather hated going out (events, parties) he never wanted to go, he was miserable that he had to go, but when he finally got there, he really enjoyed himself! That is me in a nutshell. But since 2020, I feel like that is me x20. I am a work in progress.
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AuthorI am the Dog Mom of Nika the red Husky, and Cat Mom of Buddy and Fleury. Archives
March 2024
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